Disengagement.

I follow a lot of step moms, and have unfollowed a lot because I didn’t agree with their philosophy on how to stepparent.

One of the biggest issues I see with almost all stepmoms on here is this idea of disengaging. If this is a new term for you, let me explain.

Disengaging as a stepmom means you step back, stop participating, don’t parent, don’t engage with, fill in the blank.

While the premise of this makes sense and might be necessary, none of these stepmoms talk about the other side of it.

What about the kids? What do they see when you, the stepmom, suddenly stops going to their events, stops helping with homework or meals or whatever it is that impacts their lives. Wouldn’t that be more rejection and hurtful in the long run?

The reasons for disengaging always seem selfish and to protect the stepmom, while not thinking of the ripple effect.

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So have I ever disengaged?

Yes, I have. It was well thought out and Brandon and I had several conversations about it before I ever changed the way I was doing something. It was the for the greater good of our home, not because I didn’t want to be apart of something. I stepped back where I was causing more harm and then good.

Did it work, yes, I think so.

So, while I am not a fan of disengaging in most forms, it is necessary sometimes when it helps the family as a whole. It should never be used as a cop out for not being a parent.