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Seven Solutions.

  Seven Solutions to Seven Common Stepmom issues.  1.  Establishing Authority  - Establish authority gradually by building trust and showing respect for the children’s feelings. Work with your partner to present a united front on rules and expectations, ensuring that your role is clear but not forced. Consistency in expectations and grace helps the children learn the expectations.  2. Building a Bond with Stepchildren - Take the time to get to know your stepchildren’s interests and personalities without forcing a bond. Engage in activities they enjoy, listen actively to their concerns, and respect their boundaries. Let the relationship develop naturally, and be patient; bonds can take time to form. 3. Navigating Loyalty Conflicts    - Acknowledge the children’s feelings and reassure them that it's okay to love both their mom and their stepmom. Avoid negative talk about their mom. Encourage open communication and provide a safe space for them to express their feelings. 4. Managing
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Podcast.

  A few months ago, Brandon and I were asked to be on the No Grey Areas Podcast .  The host is Pat McCalla, Brandon's high school basketball coach and a former pastor of mine.  Crazy how worlds intersect. Brandon and I had no connection to each other when Pat was in each of our lives. Pat asked Brandon and I to come on the podcast and talk stepfamily life.  There's a stat that says up to 70% of current American families are impacted by blended families. We of course said yes, we would be honored.  We are by no means experts in this field, but we've learned a lot, read a lot, listened a lot, and have implemented several ideas that have helped make our family thrive. I'll share a few here. 1. We don't say the kids mom's name.  She is simply their mom. That's it.  It honors her position in their life, while removing the relationship connection associated with her name.   2. We always pick up the kids on transition days.  They never get dropped off.  Why because
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Vegas Baby.

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We spent the weekend in Vegas celebrating Brandon. Over a year ago we planned this trip, Jerry Seinfeld was playing at the Colosseum, a bucket list item for Brandon. This weekend came with a lot of planning and making sure Brandon had the best weekend possible. We also went to an exclusive magic show, called the Magician’s Study. It was amazing. We ate delicious food, Eataly, Prime, Alexxa’s, Ghirardelli. My main goal this weekend was for Brandon to have an incredible weekend of feeling loved, valued, heard, and understood. Every thing we did went smoothly. We truly had the best time and enjoyed being together making memories. Honestly not sure if this weekend or birthday can be topped, but we will try again next year.                  Love you, B. So grateful for our life together.
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Back To School.

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           Avery 11th -  Boston 9th -  Harper 6th    The first day of school...well sort of.  We were not scheduled to have the kids on their first week of school.  Which means no first day of school pictures. But I ended up picking them up from school on the first two days.  So, after the second day when we were all together and had a little bit of time to kill before Boston had to be back for football practice. I took them to Starbucks.  I was able to spend some quality time with them and hear all about their first (and second) days. I got heard all the details about teachers, friends, new school rules, and even heard about a new cute boy.  Thankful for these days with them.                                         
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Seven Common Stepmom Struggles.

In my experience being a stepmom comes with unique challenges, it involves blending families, navigating new relationships, and balancing all kinds of emotions. These are the seven most common struggles that stepmoms face.  1. Establishing Authority : It can be difficult for a stepmom to establish her role in the household, especially if the children resist or feel conflicted about accepting her authority. 2. Building a Bond with Stepchildren : Creating a close and trusting relationship with stepchildren takes time and patience. Stepmoms may struggle with feelings of rejection if the bond doesn't develop quickly. 3. Navigating Loyalty Conflicts : Children may feel torn between their biological mother and their stepmom, leading to loyalty conflicts. This can create tension and emotional stress within the family. 4. Managing Expectations : There is often pressure on stepmoms to quickly adapt to their new role, whether from themselves, their spouse, or society. Unrealistic expectatio
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Ease of vacations.

Every time we travel as a family of five.  Life becomes more simple. Particularly true for me, as a stepmom.  I get to live, if only for  a few days, like there isn't this dual life waiting for us back home. That it is just our family and there isn't a second home waiting for our kids. And honestly the mental break is so refreshing.  I experienced this most recently while in Coeur d' Alene, ID. We were with my family. on the lake, resting, recharging, and relaxing.  Well maybe not relaxing with all the jet ski rides, and tubing behind the boat. But in so many way it was relaxing.  There is very little talk of blended families while we are on vacation.  It just doesn't come up as often, there isn't as much communication with the other house while we are gone.   It becomes my little pretend world, that is just us five and we don't have to think about the other side of life.  Oh, how I wish it were just us five.  Life would be simpler, not just on vacation. 
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To The Childless Stepmom Part 2.

A stepmom lovingly shows up knowing she won't be number one, and that's a heartache people don't seem  to understand. You knew the children were a priority. You knew the mom would always be their mom... But did you anticipate feeling like you're at the bottom of the list? We have to manage sharing attention with our stepkids. They deserve that time with their parent - yet we battle the feelings of wanting to feel included and valued. We invest our energy and care into our stepkids - only to experience the jolt to the heart when they run to their mom. No matter how much we give, sacrifice, and show up…she will always be their number one. It stings sometimes, right? These are the invisible emotions stepmoms carry. There's an ache in our hearts to be at the top of the list. To be seen, and loved and valued. To be someone's world, number one and safe space. We deserve that. This dynamic may be inherent - but your  feelings matter. You deserve to feel important. You&
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