JoyAnn Elizabeth

In my experience being a stepmom comes with unique challenges, it involves blending families, navigating new relationships, and balancing all kinds of emotions. These are the seven most common struggles that stepmoms face.  1. Establishing Authority : It can be difficult for a stepmom to establish her role in the household, especially if the children resist or feel conflicted about accepting her authority. 2. Building a Bond with Stepchildren : Creating a close and trusting relationship with stepchildren takes time and patience. Stepmoms may struggle with feelings of rejection if the bond doesn't develop quickly. 3. Navigating Loyalty Conflicts : Children may feel torn between their biological mother and their stepmom, leading to loyalty conflicts. This can create tension and emotional stress within the family. 4. Managing Expectations : There is often pressure on stepmoms to quickly adapt to their new role, whether from themselves, their spouse, or society. Unrealistic expectatio

Every time we travel as a family of five.  Life becomes more simple. Particularly true for me, as a stepmom.  I get to live, if only for  a few days, like there isn't this dual life waiting for us back home. That it is just our family and there isn't a second home waiting for our kids. And honestly the mental break is so refreshing.  I experienced this most recently while in Coeur d' Alene, ID. We were with my family. on the lake, resting, recharging, and relaxing.  Well maybe not relaxing with all the jet ski rides, and tubing behind the boat. But in so many way it was relaxing.  There is very little talk of blended families while we are on vacation.  It just doesn't come up as often, there isn't as much communication with the other house while we are gone.   It becomes my little pretend world, that is just us five and we don't have to think about the other side of life.  Oh, how I wish it were just us five.  Life would be simpler, not just on vacation. 

A stepmom lovingly shows up knowing she won't be number one, and that's a heartache people don't seem  to understand. You knew the children were a priority. You knew the mom would always be their mom... But did you anticipate feeling like you're at the bottom of the list? We have to manage sharing attention with our stepkids. They deserve that time with their parent - yet we battle the feelings of wanting to feel included and valued. We invest our energy and care into our stepkids - only to experience the jolt to the heart when they run to their mom. No matter how much we give, sacrifice, and show up…she will always be their number one. It stings sometimes, right? These are the invisible emotions stepmoms carry. There's an ache in our hearts to be at the top of the list. To be seen, and loved and valued. To be someone's world, number one and safe space. We deserve that. This dynamic may be inherent - but your  feelings matter. You deserve to feel important. You&

  This picture came up on my phone today.  So, many memories flooded back to me.  I don't know the exact date this was taken, sometime in April 2020.  It was at our wedding shower, that had to be changed to immediate family only because of covid.   To me, we look so young, but in reality it was only four years ago and we weren't that young.  I was 33, Brandon 37.  But we didn't really understand the complexities that this life we were choosing was about to throw at us.  Sure, we "knew" but we didn't actually KNOW. We had read all the books, listened to all the podcasts, had ALL the conversations with EVERYONE, yet we still weren't prepared.  Some things in life just require hands on learning. Stepparenting is one of those things.  You can only be as prepared as the experiences you have.  Yes, the books, podcasts, and conversations helped a ton, but it didn't give us real life experiences. We knew how to handle this life better because of those things,

 A nxiety is a word that is used a lot these days. It’s a diagnosed medical condition that many people have. I do not have a diagnoses of anxiety. But I still face anxiety, all the time. Anxiety when going to a kids event and their mom will be there. Anxiety when I try a new recipe and the kids probably won’t like it. Anxiety when I place expectations on myself for what a stepmom is supposed to or isn’t supposed to do. Anxiety when the kids talk about life before me. Anxiety when the kids struggle having two homes. Anxiety when people ask how I am doing with this role?  Anxiety over doctors appointments when decisions are made that I don't agree with. Anxiety when a request for money is made. It can all be a lot. I still struggle. I don’t always want to go to events. Honestly, I’ve had a few mini panic attack along the way. But I go, I show up, I chose my step kids over my own emotions, why? Emotions are not facts. Emotions are not always reality. Emotions aren’t supposed to dictat

 Are you a new stepmom? Or do you know a new stepmom? If so, would you share this post with them. Here are a few things I wish I knew at the beginning. It’s okay to ask your spouse and your step kids questions. We jump into their world and don’t know everything. It’s okay to want a break from the chaos. It’s okay to have all the feelings toward their mom. It’s okay to challenge “the way it’s always been done”. It’s okay to bring your own flare to parenting and your house. I know this isn’t always possible, but move into a new house once you are married. Trying to fit into a life you were not apart of, is really difficult. Embrace your role as stepmom. Don’t try to be anything other than what you are. Be interested in what they are telling you, even when it’s hard or starts with “my mom doesn’t do it like that…”. What help would you give? Share in the comments below.