JoyAnn Elizabeth

This is a question I am constantly asking myself.  I have no personal experience with it, and I am not close to any adults that grew up with two homes.  So, I don't really have anyone to talk to about their personal experience.  For our kids, it seems life is getting harder for them, not easier.  This is an issue I am plagued with. I want to help them alleviate their frustration, pain, and problems.  But this is one problem I cannot fix, and let's be honest, I am a result of their pain.   The teenage years are hard, this is no surprise to anyone, it just seems to be increasingly hard for kids who have to go back and forth.  No consistency, they live in weekly increments (which I've talked about before).  You know the feeling, 'ah, we leave for vacation in a week, we can lack discipline this week because life isn't consistent for the next few days anyway' . This is an easy trap to fall into when, kids are back and forth every 7 days.  It'...

 A few weeks ago, I had the absolute privilege of watch my husband, Brandon, speak on the TEDx stage.  He is a public speaker by trade and speaks all over the country, I usually have the honor of watching him, but this time it was different.  I was able to witness his intense passion for speaking and helping others, this time it was in the red circle of the TEDx stage.  I am beyond proud of him and all that he has accomplished.  He works so hard for us that it was nice to see him succeed at something that he really wanted. We were able to take our oldest, Avery, with us as well.  And letting her see her dad's gifting and talent was incredible to witness. We spent the whole day at  TEDx, there were 15 speakers in total, and they asked Brandon to go last, because they knew he would be one of the strongest speakers and wanted to end the day on a high note.  And that they did.  Brandon blew everyone away with his communication, comedy, practical ...

Recently, we were having a conversation about being responsible and communicating with parents. It was brought up how the kids don't really think about the other house/other parent when they are not with them.  They sort of compartmentalize their two lives. At dad's house we do XYZ...  It was also brought up how hard it is having two homes, two sets of rules, two sets of expectations, three parents etc. These kids and every other kid in their situation have it hard.  Probably much harder than we adults think.  It made me think. We need to give these kids a little more grace and appreciation for the life they deal with on a daily basis. They have to remember to tell three parents all the details we want to know, they have three differing opinions about life and what they should do in any given situation.  Life isn't easy for kids in split homes.  Let's try to extend a bit more grace when they forget something or are having a hard day.  

  Seven Solutions to Seven Common Stepmom issues.  1.  Establishing Authority  - Establish authority gradually by building trust and showing respect for the children’s feelings. Work with your partner to present a united front on rules and expectations, ensuring that your role is clear but not forced. Consistency in expectations and grace helps the children learn the expectations.  2. Building a Bond with Stepchildren - Take the time to get to know your stepchildren’s interests and personalities without forcing a bond. Engage in activities they enjoy, listen actively to their concerns, and respect their boundaries. Let the relationship develop naturally, and be patient; bonds can take time to form. 3. Navigating Loyalty Conflicts    - Acknowledge the children’s feelings and reassure them that it's okay to love both their mom and their stepmom. Avoid negative talk about their mom. Encourage open communication and provide a safe space for them to express...

  A few months ago, Brandon and I were asked to be on the No Grey Areas Podcast .  The host is Pat McCalla, Brandon's high school basketball coach and a former pastor of mine.  Crazy how worlds intersect. Brandon and I had no connection to each other when Pat was in each of our lives. Pat asked Brandon and I to come on the podcast and talk stepfamily life.  There's a stat that says up to 70% of current American families are impacted by blended families. We of course said yes, we would be honored.  We are by no means experts in this field, but we've learned a lot, read a lot, listened a lot, and have implemented several ideas that have helped make our family thrive. I'll share a few here. 1. We don't say the kids mom's name.  She is simply their mom. That's it.  It honors her position in their life, while removing the relationship connection associated with her name.   2. We always pick up the kids on transition days.  They never get drop...

We spent the weekend in Vegas celebrating Brandon. Over a year ago we planned this trip, Jerry Seinfeld was playing at the Colosseum, a bucket list item for Brandon. This weekend came with a lot of planning and making sure Brandon had the best weekend possible. We also went to an exclusive magic show, called the Magician’s Study. It was amazing. We ate delicious food, Eataly, Prime, Alexxa’s, Ghirardelli. My main goal this weekend was for Brandon to have an incredible weekend of feeling loved, valued, heard, and understood. Every thing we did went smoothly. We truly had the best time and enjoyed being together making memories. Honestly not sure if this weekend or birthday can be topped, but we will try again next year.                  Love you, B. So grateful for our life together.